cat + panda

So, here I am sitting at University. It’s my first week back, I’ve already had one exam and an assignment due PLUS I have another one due on Monday. Subjects I either have NEVER studied, or haven’t studied for 5 years at least. So how do I feel? Stressed? Crying? Like I want to hide in my room all day?

If I was back in high school…maybe that would’ve been the case. Assessment, essay, exam..these words brought dark clouds over me. No one likes them. Even if I felt like I studied hard, my results were never as good as they “should’ve" been.
Teachers said in English class - “She writes like a man.” Final exam results = NA-NA-A-A-NA (For you non-NZers, think D-D-C-C-D) Science class - "She just needs to study more" = A-A-M-A
Math was the same.

I was friends with amazingly intelligent people. They studied too, did their homework too, and it reflected in their stellar grades. I admit, in a school system so focused on academic achievement, I felt a little ashamed and worthless. I was a not-achiever in english, an average student in science. Hey, I will admit, I shined in design and music. But the subjects that “mattered”..

So I felt that I was dumb. Stupid. Unintelligent. I wouldn’t have a successful career, job, qualification. These subjects weren’t for me. I would never understand them.

Then I went to the USA as an exchange student. Granted, the American school system is a bit easier than ours. But I thrived! In a topics such as English or History where I had previously “struggled”, I was receiving high A’s and being asked if I wanted to move up to the AP (advanced placement) classes. I was a straight A student. I hadn’t had such high grades since I began high school. I BELIEVED I could study enough, I could remember facts, I could do all these things I had come to the conclusion I was incapable of. I thought maybe it was just the schooling there, multi-choice tests, easier marking but I am now learning it wasn’t just that.

Now I am at NZ university…and I am getting just as good results.
I was so scared to start University here. The thought of New Zealand schooling brought a shadow of fear and anxiety over my mind and I was so apprehensive because of my past experiences with NCEA, which is supposed to prepare you for University. However right now, I am coming to terms with the idea that maybe I am not dumb and that those results I recieved aren’t a reflection of my actual intelligence.

Here at The University of Auckland, after not studying for 4 years, never studying anything business related before, all those things aside, I am getting A’s. In fact, I have got more A’s so far than I got in my final half year of high school here. And I am abslutely kicking myself for how I percieved myself because of my grades in high school.

“Just because you used to be doesn’t mean you have to be.”

I have learned:
-grades are not final judgements.
-grades are not your level of worth.
-grades are not of anything except how well you remember/understand/retain kowledge of a concept at the time of the test/assignment etc. Aka the quote. Just because you didn’t understand something once doesn’t mean you won’t understand something in the future.
-always always always try again and if you like something, just do it, no matter the end result.

I was talking to one of those girls I went to high school with who was extremely academically orientated. She still is, but doesn’t let it define her self-worth or level of intelligence anymore either. She hadn’t studied as well as she should’ve for an exam, but she just laughed it off, saying she’ll do her best.

So learn to laugh it off and just simply do your best.

I figured it was time for me to (finally) start up my new blog. I had one for my exchange, one for my mission, and now this one is for my normal life- if you can call mine or anyone's life normal!

My name is Holly and I was born and raised in New Zealand...but I left in 2012 to spend a year in Wyoming as a high school student and then served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in British Columbia, Canada. Eight months later, a shadow of an accent still remains and on a daily basis I talk about the experiences I've had.

I just started at the University of Auckland. It's great. Haha, ok, I definitely feel super lost sometimes in class but I guess that's what you have to expect when you've been out of the New Zealand education system for so long. Right now it's down that I am doing a BA/BCom in Writing Studies and Marketing but I am really excited because next year they're opening a communications major too- definitely going to pick that one up! 

I am actually writing this on a plane now- I visited home for a few days because it's uni break but basically this will be the only break part of it..broke student= work work work work work. Thummim is sitting beside me on Snapchat, which is pretty typical of someone who once called himself a "snap journalist" haha. You could say we've been dating for just over 4 months but it's more like we've been inseparable than just dating. He is just..the best, honestly and truly the best. He pushed me to start this blog too and is kind of some of the inspiration for what I'll be writing about.

Thummim is Korean. Well, kiwi Korean. His parents moved over here after they got married so although he grew up in the NZ culture, in his home it's still very much Korean. And now I'm in the middle of this culture with knowledge that previously I unashamedly will admit was limited to Gangnam style and kimchi. But I love it! There are challenges but everyday I love being able to learn something new about the culture or add to my Korean vocab. 

So there we have it. On here you'll find insights to life as a student in New Zealand in an inter-racial relationship, as well as thoughts on my beliefs and probably a lot of food posts. Just warning you.. 

Saranghaeyo~~~

Holly